


You Can Make It Up To Me

by hipstuhpls



Series: I'm So Sorry [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Awkwardness, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Minor Violence, Morning After, Rape/Non-con References, protective!zayn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-14
Updated: 2013-01-14
Packaged: 2017-11-25 11:34:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/638475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hipstuhpls/pseuds/hipstuhpls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Harry wakes up in Louis’ bed. Louis doesn’t remember a thing. Harry can’t forget.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can Make It Up To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Ooookay so this is part two to Everything I've Never Wanted. This wont make much sense without part one.. But I'm not super happy with this particular piece.. Oh well! Mentions of rape... just so you all know.

Harry couldn’t bring himself to leave after that. He couldn’t get out of bed and flee from the house. He couldn’t call Liam, or Zayn, or Niall to come and pick him up. He just laid there awake for the rest of the night, staring up at the ceiling. He’d managed to maneuver his boxers back up and shift around slightly so he could cover himself with the duvet.. but other than that, he hadn’t moved an inch.

Louis woke up the next morning a little after eight, instantly complaining about the pounding in his head. He threw the pillow over his face and groaned, wiggling around under the duvet.

“M’so sorry, Haz,” he mumbled into the pillow, letting one of his hands fall over to grab Harry’s arm.

The younger’s head snapped to the side, eyes going wide. Did Louis remember? Was he actually apologising for.. “Sorry?” Harry asked, his voice cracking slightly and his bottom lip trembling. “Y-You remember?”

“Of course I remember. I mean, I was seriously so gone last night.. but I know you took care of me.” Louis tossed the pillow back and sat up, rubbing his face and laughing dryly. “I seriously can’t thank you enough though. I owe you one.”

Harry sucked in a breath and tensed, his stomach twisting. Thank you. Owe you. “For what?” he squeaked out, wanting to sit up with Louis but still feeling the ache in his arse from the hours before.

“You brought me home, Haz.. And you stayed. Which is definitely more than I can say for the other lads,” he laughed. “What are you talking about?” Louis threw the covers back and laughed again, shaking his head. “You couldn’t get me to keep my clothes on though, mate? Not even pyjama bottoms, really?”

The younger shook his head, still laying in his spot on the bed. “Sorry. I tried,” he replied weakly. Louis didn’t remember. He had no idea what had happened.. what he had done. Maybe Harry would have thought he’d dreamt it, if he’d slept. And if there hadn’t been so much proof that it was real. Harry could still feel Louis all over him.. the bruises he had all over his body from where Louis had held him down. He could close his eyes and see Louis over him, thrusting into him roughly. He could hear the noises of pleasure that Louis had made. At least he liked it.

And he could still feel the burn from Louis cock ripping him apart every time he moved.

Louis shrugged, standing up and slipping on a dirty pair of sweatpants from the floor. “Not a thing, I suppose. As long as I didn’t cuddle up into you all naked. That’d probably be weird, yeah?” He grinned, trying to let Harry in on the fact it was a ‘joke’.

But it wasn’t a joke to Harry.

“If you get your lazy bum out of bed I’ll make you breakfast. Or I’ll try. I’ve been practicing.” And with those last words, Louis padded out of his bedroom leaving Harry alone to cry.

∙∙∙

Going through the day was hell.

They had a lot going on.. A meeting with management. An interview with 89.2HITSRADIO. A fan signing and meet and great.. Thank God they didn’t have a concert, because with Louis’ hangover he’d never be able to jump around stage. And well, Harry could hardly walk.

Breakfast with Louis never happened. As soon as Harry managed to pull himself together (which was rather quickly so Louis wouldn’t come in and see his tears), he redressed in the clothes from the previous night and snuck past Lou out of the house. He didn’t want to talk to Louis and pretend like nothing had happened.. It was too soon for that. He knew he’d have to fake it through the day.. and right then he wasn’t ready.

He made it home, showered, cried, and was on his way out the door.

He’d managed to make it halfway through the day with no questions asked. Honestly, Harry tried as hard as he possibly could to act normal.. but it was hard. It was so hard to joke around with Louis and Niall and Liam and Zayn.. when all he wanted to do was curl up in his bed forever. But he did try.

It didn’t make it any better that he was bundled up to his chin in a turtleneck sweater, trying to hide the marks scattering across his body. Louis really had bit down hard into his skin and sucked darker ‘love bites’ than he’d probably intended. Then again, he probably didn’t intend to suck any at all.

It was especially hard to be normal around Louis. Even though they did their best to downplay the ‘Larry Stylinson’ rumors in public, the two were always affectionate when it was just the five of them. And getting anywhere near Louis at the moment made him feel weak.

He still loved Louis so much.. he really did. And that was probably what hurt the worst. Louis couldn’t even tell anything was wrong. Did he really not care about Harry at all?

The only person who seemed to notice anything was up all day was Zayn. He watched Harry like a hawk.. picking up on every fake laugh and distant glance.. which only made Harry try harder to act normal.

But of course, everyone knew how awful Harry really was at acting.

“Hazza,” Zayn whispered as they were wrapping up the fan signing. He nudged Harry’s leg with his own, forcing Harry to flinch. “You alright, mate?”

Harry nodded, biting down on his bottom lip and smiling weakly. “Never better..”

Zayn shot him a disbelieving look and shook his head. “C’mon.”

He pulled Harry from the table, eliciting a pained yelp from the younger. The signing was nearly over and the look of determination on Zayn’s face told Harry that he didn’t care about leaving early. He led Harry into the bathroom in the back, locking the door behind them.

Harry felt trapped.. Almost like the night before. He wrapped his arms around himself and closed his eyes. He tensed slightly, feeling Zayn’s hand on his arm.

“Harry, what happened? Seriously, it’s bullshit if you think I believe you’re fine. You’ve been weird since.. Did Lou say something to upset you last night after you guys left?”

His eyes squeezed shut even tighter and his heart started pounding. Was he really that obvious? He tried to shake his head and respond, but all that came out was a choked sob. Zayn pulled him in for a close hug and rubbed his back comfortingly.

“Talk to me, Hazza,” he whispered.

But Harry didn’t know what to say. How could he outright say what Louis had done to him when he wasn’t even sure himself?

“I can’t..” he whispered back.

Zayn made a sort of growling noise and held Harry tighter. “So something did happen then. Harry, tell me.”

Harry collapsed to the floor, his legs giving out. He winced and let out a choked sob as his arse hit the floor. Zayn dropped down next to him and wrapped an arm around him, eyeing him slightly. He noticed.. he noticed the way that it hurt Harry to sit. He noticed the way that Harry was walking differently.. and he put it all together.

His eyes went wide and he sat back slightly, his jaw dropping. “Did you and Louis..”

The Cheshire boy covered his face with his hands and shook his head, whimpering softly. “It wasn’t s-supposed to happen,” he whispered.

Zayn laughed awkwardly and ran a hand through his quiff. “Isn’t that like, what you wanted though, Haz?”

Harry shook his head and looked up into Zayn’s eyes, his own filling with tears. “I-I.. I didn’t want it..”

There was silence in the bathroom for a second as Zayn seemed to grasp what Harry was actually trying to say. Harry sucked his lips into his mouth and hugged his arms tight across his chest.

“S-Say something?”

Zayn stood up from the ground, his expression blank. “You told him no?”

Harry nodded.

“I’m going to kill him.”

The tanned boy turned and talked from the bathroom quickly, his hands clenched into fists. Harry stood up from the floor quickly, ignoring the pain, and grabbed onto Zayn’s wrist.

“Please, no, Zayn. Please, he doesn’t know. Please!”

Apparently ‘no’ isn’t a word Harry’s friends were all too familiar with, because Zayn ignored his pleas just as Louis had the night before. He pushed past Harry and left the bathroom. The other three band members had finished off the signing and were messing around in the holding room, laughing over something Niall had said. Harry followed behind Zayn into the room, tears running down his cheeks. The three looked up to see them walking in.

“Hey! Why’d you leave earl- Wait.. Harry, what’s the matter?” Louis asked, noticing their expressions.

“You..” Zayn hissed, grabbing Louis by the collar of his shirt and punching him square across the jaw.

Liam was the first out of his seat, grabbing Zayn by his shoulders. “What are you doing? Zayn, stop it!”

Harry collapsed down onto the floor again, holding himself tightly and hiding his face in his knees. He didn’t want to think about it anymore. He didn’t want Louis to find out. He sure as hell didn’t want anyone else to find out about it either. But now Zayn was telling them all.. He was actually fighting Louis over it.

“Christ, mate! Calm the fuck down, yeah?” Niall muttered, moving over to help pull Louis back.

“Let go of me, Liam..” Zayn shook Liam’s arms off his shoulders and moved back in close to Louis, getting right in his face. “You piece of shit.”

“What are you talking about?” Louis asked, holding his bruising cheek.

“I hope I fucking hurt you.. because you sure as hell hurt him.”

Harry whimpered lightly to himself, drawing the attention of the other four.

Louis tried to move over towards the youngest band member, only to be stopped by Zayn. “What did I do, Haz?” he asked softly, his face stricken with concern.

“You don’t even know,” Zayn scoffed, pushing him back. “You fucking raped him.”

The room went quiet, all but Harry’s soft cries. He could feel their eyes on him.. their pitying, confused glances that he never wanted to deal with.. that he hoped he’d never see.

“I what?” Louis actually sounded upset. Harry could hear the pain in his voice. He could hear the confusion.

He glanced up from his protected spot on the ground up into Louis’ eyes. They were the familiar blue that he was used to – the blue he loved – not the dark, disturbing colour he’d memorized the night before. This was his Louis. This wasn’t the Louis that hurt him and ignored his cries. This was the Louis that cared about him and would do anything for him, just as he would for Lou. He swallowed hard and wiped his eyes, dragging his bottom lip between his teeth. “I couldn’t make you stop..” he whispered.

Liam grabbed onto Zayn’s arm and tugged him back. “C’mon. Let’s let them talk?”

Nobody actually wanted to leave them alone together. They could tell how broken Harry was just by the expression on his face. But the matching one on Louis’ own told them it was safe.. that he would never intend to put Harry in that situation. It was hard for everyone to believe it happened in the first place, honestly, Harry included. Niall grabbed Zayn’s other arm and nodded, helping Liam lead him out of the room.

“Call us if you need us,” the blonde mumbled, glancing back and forth between the two. His words were really directed at Harry.. but he didn’t want to single Louis out.

Once the room was clear, Louis was at Harry’s side. He dropped to the ground next to him, but kept his distance.

“I was.. I.. We..”

Harry nodded, understanding what Louis was trying to say.

“And.. and you asked me to stop? And I didn’t?” He had a genuine look of hurt written across his face.

Harry just nodded again and held himself tighter. But knowing that this was his Louis made it easier to speak. Despite it being absolutely mortifying to talk about, he knew he needed to. “You held me down. And I woke up with you on me. And you wouldn’t get off.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I cried. And you..”

He heard the broken sob from next to him and opened his eyes to see Louis with his face buried in his hands. He was crying.. which was as rare as Louis getting completely piss drunk. Louis didn’t cry.

“I’m so sorry, Harry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

The tension in the room was thick. Harry could tell that he wasn’t the only one suffering anymore. Now that Louis knew.. he was in just as much pain as Harry. Yeah, Harry was.. by the one person he trusted more than anyone – But Louis had hurt his best friend.. the person he seemed to care about most.

“I-I don’t hate you,” Harry whispered, his bottom lip trembling.

“You should,” he laughed, shaking his head, tears rolling down his cheeks. “You should never w-want to talk to me ever again. Fuck, I-I.. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Harry scooted a little closer, wincing at the movement on his bum. He bit down on his bottom lip and rubbed his arm. “I can’t hate you. B-Because I know that.. that you wouldn’t want t-to hurt me. A-And..” he trailed off, looking down at his lap. “I-I just can’t.”

“I hate myself. Fuck, Harry, I-I.. I can’t even believe that I ever..” He shook his head, groaning. “Fuck. I didn’t think I’d ever.. even drunk I’m not that brave.” Louis’ voice had dropped down to a whisper for the last bit of his confession.

Not that brave? “Not brave enough to what, Louis?” Harry asked. There was power in his words that he hadn’t intended, but what Louis was saying didn’t make any sense.

Louis just paused, quiet, and looked up into Harry’s eyes. There were words he wanted to say but he couldn’t choke out. Harry reached over and rested his hand on Louis’ arm.. silently letting him know to continue. Because though Harry really should hate Louis.. and though he should never want to be alone with Louis again.. He still really, really loved the older boy. Nothing that happened the previous night changed the way he felt about the Louis he knew.

“I’ve thought about it..” Louis admitted, looking away from Harry’s glance. “Not like.. raping you, fuck. But like, you and me. It’d be consensual.. and, and you’d want it too. I-I.. I just can’t believe I..” He ran his hands over his face and stood up. “I should just go or something. You shouldn’t have to be around me. Fuck. I don’t want to be around me.”

Harry reached up for Louis’ arm, grabbing onto his hand, but Louis shook him off. He shook his head and looked back at the younger on the ground. “I’m sorry, Haz. I really am.” And before Harry could actually stop him, he’d left the room. Their day was done anyway, so it’s not like he needed to stick around.

What Louis had sad hadn’t exactly sunk in yet. Louis had been thinking about Harry like that? He’d actually wanted Harry in a way past their platonic friendship?

How did he feel?

∙∙∙

Harry wouldn’t talk about it with Liam or Niall or Zayn. They asked and they made a big deal about fussing over him on the ride home, but Harry didn’t want to talk. He just told him that Louis had left and assured them he was fine.

Maybe fine wasn’t exactly the right word. He still hurt so much, physically and emotionally. But honestly, Harry’s top priority at that moment was to make sure that Louis was okay. Louis would always be the number one thing on his mind all the time. If Louis was okay, he would be too.

So instead of going straight to his house after the signing, he made his way to Louis’. The knocked tentatively a couple of times, standing back away from the door. But Louis didn’t answer. He pulled his key from his pocket and let himself in, wondering if Louis was even home. The shoes kicked off in the doorway gave it away that, yes.. Louis was home.

“L-Lou?” he called out, crossing his arms over his chest and closing the door behind him.

No answer.

But he had a feeling he knew where his best mate was.

Harry walked up the stairs to Louis’ room, his stomach churning. Somehow he knew Louis would be in there.. back where it had happened. And of course he was right. Louis was standing at the foot of the bed, his arms crossed tight over his chest, a sickened expression across his face.

“That’s what you were talking about this morning then.. when you asked why I was apologising,” Louis whispered, closing his eyes.

The curly haired boy nodded and walked closer, mimicking Louis’ stance. “Yeah. I thought you remembered.”

Louis took in a shaky breath, his body trembling before he snapped completely. He started ripping the sheets off of the mattress, throwing them to the floor while he sobbed and cursed. “I’m so fucking sorry! Fuck, Harry, I’m so sorry. Please, I’m sorry!”

Harry winced and stepped back, watching Louis rip apart his room. The already shattered pieces of his heart were breaking more for his friend, watching him in so much pain. He reached forward and placed a hand on Louis’ shoulder. “L-Lou..”

Arms wrapped around Harry tightly, pulling him in close. Louis tucked his face into Harry’s neck, nuzzling against him. “I’m so fucking sorry, Harry. I ruined everything. I’m so, so sorry,” he mumbled against the collar of his sweater, tears wetting the fabric.

It took a minute for Harry to relax, but he wrapped his arms around Louis’ neck and closed his eyes. “You didn’t ruin everything. Some things, I guess. But not everything.”

The older pulled back slightly and wiped his eyes, frowning. “I did though. Y-You.. and y-you and m-me. And.. and..”

Harry shook his head. “We’ll be fine, Louis. We have to be.”

“I don’t want to lose you over this,” Louis whispered, looking into Harry’s eyes. “I deserve to lose you but I don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to let you go.”

Louis bit down on his bottom lip to stop it from trembling. “Can I ever make it up to you?”

Harry nodded slowly and smiled slightly. “You will.”

Louis nodded in return and leaned his forehead against Harry’s. “So I didn’t ruin us?”

His cheek dimpling, Harry shook his head. “No. You didn’t.”

“What did I ruin?”

Harry blushed deeply and bit down on his bottom lip. Louis noticed his discomfort and rubbed his side gently. 

“Our first time.”

Louis sucked his lips into his mouth, biting back a smile or a frown.. Harry couldn’t tell. His stomach dropped slightly and his heart was pounding. He’d sort of just told Louis that he wanted a first time.. a perfect first time. 

Sighing, Louis pulled Harry in closer. “W-Would a perfect second time make up for it?” he asked. Harry winced at the thought and Louis’ eyes went wide. “N-Not right away, of course! I-I.. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.. fuck..” He pulled back and ran a hand through his now wild quiff. Obviously his fingers had raked through it a few times. 

The younger brunette reached forward for his hand, the dimple returning to his cheek for the second time that day. “Just a perfect second kiss would be enough for now I think,” Harry mumbled, wondering if maybe this was too much.

Just the day before, he and Louis had been best friends. And then the sex the previous night.. And then Louis found out and.. This was all moving so quickly. Harry sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and blushed deeper, his heart pounding. 

But Louis nodded and moved in a little closer, one hand finding it’s way to Harry’s bruised hip. “I just want everything to be perfect for you, Haz,” he whispered.

Harry smiled and leaned in a little closer. “You can be.”

And their lips connected in a soft, sweet, short kiss. It was really just a peck, but it was filled with all the emotion Harry had hoped would be in their first. It wasn’t stale and drunk.. No – this kiss was actually everything he’d ever wanted. 

It didn’t last long, but they both pulled back smiling. Harry’s stomach was fluttering now, not twisting or churning with nerves like it had been all day.

Swallowing hard, Harry admitted, “I don’t think that I can hate you because I’m sorta in love with you.” He closed his eyes, afraid of what would come from that. Louis could react in so many ways — Laugh. Push him away. Roll his eyes. Let him down gently. 

But instead he pulled Harry in closer and held onto him tight, whispering four words that made Harry melt from the inside out. 

“I love you too.”

They spent the rest of the day after that cuddling on Louis’ couch. The bed was sort of untouchable territory now, and Louis had assured the eighteen year old that he’d be replacing it with a new one as soon as possible. Louis felt like he needed to protect Harry.. though the reason he felt the need to protect him in the first place was from himself. He didn’t push Harry into doing anything he wasn’t ready for. Harry knew that Louis was still beating himself up over what had happened.. but honestly Harry didn’t want to think about it anymore. 

It happened. It was done with. It was a part of their.. was what they had a relationship? They hadn’t really decided anything. But what happened the night before was in the past now, and Harry wanted it to be just that.. in the past. 

But they were Harry and Louis.. They would be okay.


End file.
